There are over 15 types of overstuffed sandwiches like pulled pork, hot pastrami, roast beef, fried fish, smoked turkey, plus rotisserie chicken, hickory-smoked ribs, and something called the “Vegetarian Squeeze” which I can only presume is another one of PETA’s (NSFW) painfully-awkward campaigns.
All the open pit offerings begin life getting massaged with the “Essence of Epiphany,” (which is what Catholic priests used to tell young boys), then slowly-cooked for hours on a charcoal, hickory (and rocket?!) fueled smoker, drawing in all the spicy, tangy and sweet flavors.
By the time I was done with my sandwich, I was covered in warm, sticky barbecue sauce, with pieces of napkin dried to my face. Is this what going down on Bobby Flay is like?
- The famous pit beef and cheddar ($7.95, pictured) is monstrous, as the Kaiser roll threatens to buckle under the weight of beef brisket, melted cheddar and peppy horseradish mayo.
- If you’re wearing white, you might be better off with the open-faced prime rib sammie, dipped in au jus, and served with house-made horseradish. (But not much.)
- You can get the Cuban Reuben ($7.95) with any combination of Cuban ham, turkey and pork, all topped with Swiss cheese, pickles, and roulade, but why leave any loose ends?
- The half-slab of ribs ($14.95) comes with 2 sides and a corn muffin. Do not skip the corn muffin.
- I guess you can order the relatively-healthy collard greens ($2.25) but I feel like you’re missing the point. Just accept that afterwards, you’ll feel like a personal floatation device and you may never get a date ever again (unless you take a spritz of that “Essence of Epiphany”). So finish up with the mac ‘n’ cheese ($2.25) instead.
Epiphany Open Pit Beef & Subs
4128 Georgia Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20011